How to get your Husband’s Help and Strengthen your Marriage
Not only can you actually get your husband’s help by asking, but it is also a way to show that you Respect your husband. I know, what you are thinking… Let me explain more.
In our cornerstone post, 15 Ways to Show RESPECT to your Husband, we gave a list of …you guessed it, 15 ways to show respect to your husband. Welcome to part two in our follow-up series where we discuss our suggestions in greater detail. You will find real life examples and be provided with ideas to help you see how asking for help will actually benefit your husband and your marriage in addition to you getting the help you needed.
So how does asking for assistance help your marriage? Sounds funny I know, but men like to be the MAN. They want to be your hero. When they help you, they are a bit of a hero to you, right? I know, you think that a hero helps without being asked, and though that is sometimes true, it often is not the case. We call 911 to ask for emergency assistance. Even Superman, hears someone calling for help and then comes to aid that person. So…you may have to ask in order to get your husband’s help.
Often our husbands are willing to help, maybe on their own terms (i.e. they may not want to do the dishes, but they are usually up for lifting a heavy box), but they are game to help. My friend Liz would often be chastised by her husband for lifting a heavy box, or emptying the trash, but her thought was,
“Well, you saw just as well as I did that the trash needed to be emptied.”
and in fact, her husband Charlie had noticed the trash, and was planning to empty it later when he went out to water the plants around 4pm.
Why do you have to ask in order to get your husband’s help?
Liz just didn’t understand why Charlie didn’t take care of things when she thought he ought to, and why he didn’t help her more when it was obvious to her, and should be obvious to him, that she needed help with some things. So after much frustration over their first year of marriage, Liz vented to her sister in law, Jane, who had been married twenty years by this point. Jane advised Liz that she needed to be very specific in asking for help.
Liz was very frustrated by Jane’s counsel. Her comeback,
“Why should I have to ask my husband to help me lift a heavy box, take out the trash, put his dirty dish in the empty dishwasher instead of on the counter? You shouldn’t have to ask to get your husband’s help?
Unfortunately, Jane did not really have a satisfactory answer to Liz’s question, but her answer was,
“They just don’t think of it on their own.”
Most of the time your husband is willing to help you, but in order to get your husband’s help, you may have to sweetly ask something like, “Honey, would you mind lifting these boxes to the top shelf of the kitchen cabinet please.” This should elicit a positive response.
However, I am with Liz, why should a wife have to ask for help when it is obvious that she needs assistance or that a task needs to be accomplished?
…So I polled some nearby male friends and family.
***You can also check out our companion posts***
“15 Ways to show respect to your husband” or “How to find fresh RESPECT for your Husband.”
Why, if I am loading a medium size box full of dishes that you know I am going to put on the top shelf, do you not just offer to lift those boxes? Why do you ask after I am already attempting to do the task?
Their answers pretty much were all along the lines of:
“Well, you are an independent and strong woman. You didn’t ask for help so why would I know that you wanted or needed it?”
“You didn’t ask. I figured that you had everything under control.”
“I thought you had a specific thing in mind and didn’t need me butting in and not doing it exactly as you wanted it done.”
My response to these guys was,
“As a gentleman alone, you should offer to lift any box for me.”
The response I received from these guys (and they are good guys) was
“Guys don’t go to gentleman school.”
and
“We DON’T read minds!”
I am with you girls: it boggles my mind that I have to ask in order to get my husband’s help, but there it is, just ask. You HAVE to ask.
Jack said it boils down to, “Most guys are willing to help if you just ask. In fact, most guys will help even if they are NOT really willing, if you just ask.”
Life can be hectic and overwhelming. Often we get distracted by many things in life and you might be surprised to know that your husband really didn’t notice. Remember, too, your husband’s brain doesn’t think along the same lines as yours. I know you know this for many reasons, but then why do we expect our men and our boys to know what we want or need, to see the same needs that we see.
As a side note, if your request is not a situation in which immediate action is needed as in saving you from a heavy box that you have already begun to lift, then you should probably give a sweetly worded time frame. For me, my mother-in-law, and many other women, when a request is made, it is OBVIOUSLY a request for immediate assistance, but here again we must remember, his brain is concentrating on other subjects and timeframes so he may have a heard in your request a – ROUND TUIT (thank you Zig Ziglar)– he will get to your request when he can squeeze it into his list of things he intends to do which might include getting an oil change today, ironing his shirt for tomorrow, or even sitting down, reading the paper with a cup of coffee and unwinding from the week. So you might say something like, “Honey, tonight at your convenience, will you help me move the couch to the other side of the living room?”
***You can also check out our companion posts***
“15 Ways to show love to your wife” or “Find fresh respect for your husband by looking for the good in him”
So Ask for his aid in lifting, projects, ideas, problem solving, etc; he will help you… You then have an opportunity to thank him/praise him. After all, he was a hero for you tonight. Your praise and thanks will hopefully contribute to his being even more willing to help you in the future. Additionally, your request contributes to his feeling needed and respected (you asked for his help after all). Don’t underestimate how being needed and respected by his wife helps your man and your marriage.
So to sum it all up…in order to get your husband’s help more often, just ask, and then thank him for it!
To stronger marriages and more helpful husbands.
Down the Winding Way,
Jill
P.S. Leave us a comment. We would love to share your success stories with others who struggle with getting help from their husbands.
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