How to find fresh RESPECT for your Husband.

       Part One in our series based on

        15 Ways to Show Respect to your Husband. 

 Look for and focus on the good in your Husband!!!

Men NEED respect!  Women NEED love! 
According to my husband Jack as well as many experts in the fields of love, relationships, and psychology, men DO in fact NEED respect, and though women want and need to be treated with respect, it is not on the same level as a man’s NEED for respect.  So how do you find fresh respect for your husband?

In our cornerstone post, 15 Ways to Show RESPECT to your Husband, we gave a list of …you guessed it, 15 ways to show respect to your husband.  Welcome to part one in our follow-up series of eleven posts where we discuss our first suggestion in greater detail. You will find real life examples and be provided with ideas to help you find ways to look for and focus on the good in your husband.

Some of you are thinking there is nothing good to see anymore.

Some of you are thinking I don’t respect him because there is NOTHING to respect.

Instead of letting those thoughts rule, I challenge you to take action in faith on what you remember about the man you married and to find the good in him.  As you really think through his good points, maybe even compare him to some other husband like “Al Bundy” – Married with Children – you might be surprised at all the reasons you have to respect him.  On the other hand, be careful about comparing your husband to Mr. Brady – The Brady Bunch – (sorry I am dating myself with these two examples, but I don’t watch much TV these days…).  Few people are exactly as they seem.  I have known several individuals who appear sweet, clean cut, and mild mannered, yet the hidden facets within them would surprise and maybe even shock close friends and relatives. Truthfully very few people really want to air their dirty laundry and explain that their Mr. Brady is not really Mr. Brady, so keep that in perspective when you play the comparison game.

Remember, you married him with positive feelings in your heart.  No doubt you respected him as well.

Jack and I brainstormed some ideas to help you get started with how to find fresh respect for your husband, but there are so many more possibilities…

• Does he have steady work?

• Is he reliable at work and does he maintain a job? I know women who would envy you for this. You may think this is normal and expected, but I have known more than a few couples where this is not the case.

• Does he mow the yard?

• Does he change the light bulbs for you?

• Does he lift heavy grocery sacks?

• Does he feed the pets?

• Does he maintain your car?

• Did he help you the last time you ran out of gas or had a flat?

• Does he help discipline the kids?

• Does he play with the kids?

• Does he check the mail for you?

• Does he want your kids to be well behaved?

• Does he try to help you if you ask him to help?

• Is he a good companion?

• Does he like to be with you?

• Does he come home after work?

• Does he run errands for you?

• Is he a good father to your children?

• Does he carry out the household trash (even if only when you ask)?

• Is he someone you can interact with in an engaging way?

• Is he funny?

• Is he loving?

• Does he open the door for a stranger or for you?

• Would he help an elderly lady if she fell down on the sidewalk? Or would he walk on by? What if you fell on the sidewalk? Would he help you?

• If a child came up to him crying and lost, would he help that child?

• If he came upon a car accident, would he stop and attempt to render help?

• Does he have a good heart?  Is he a good person inside, not to say that he doesn’t get angry or act unpleasantly at times, but is he really a good person inside.

• Did he change so dramatically after you married, or did you really not know him when you married?

• Does he love you? Regardless of the other irritations, does he love you?

Maybe he doesn’t do any of these.

For your sake and for his, remember too how hard and challenging life can be.  It can pull anybody down at times.  People deal with discouragement or stress in different ways.  Some may deal with stress, fears, and challenges in a way that you might not understand.

For my friend Charlie, when there is a challenge in life, he just keeps taking one step at a time.  For his wife Liz however, sometimes that challenge becomes a mountain that’s insurmountable, and it frustrates her to the point where she doesn’t even know where to start.  Charlie doesn’t understand her reaction, and though the mountain to climb is daunting, he thinks to himself that they will never get over the mountain if they don’t get started.  Liz however looks at that tall mountain, turns around, heads to her comfortable living room, and actually curls up on the couch and takes a long nap.  It’s not that Liz is lazy or even that she is afraid of heights.  Liz sees a different obstacle, and reacts to it differently than Charlie.  So rather than getting upset because of Liz’s reaction, he needs to find a way to work with his spouse to achieve a common goal.

I think so often life just overwhelms a marriage. We forget to enjoy the little things along the way and the special details about each other with which we fell in love.  We have no time with all the responsibilities of life and (children) to find common threads, or to go on a date, or to have some light-hearted fun. The next thing we know, our feelings are changing.  We lose respect, then we lose Love and Marriage. It can happen to anyone if we choose to let it.

I challenge you to find the good and in that good, you should be able to find fresh respect for your husband!

Let’s put it this way….

Don’t answer this next question while you are frustrated:

If tragedy should strike tomorrow, what would you miss about your husband? For those who think they can’t find anything to miss in their spouse then ask yourself how would it negatively affect you? It would sincerely surprise me if you were able to read through the above list and still be unable to find something to respect about him.

*** Related Reading***
“How to Get Your Husband’s Help and Strengthen your Marriage” and “How do you encourage your husband to help you more“

Jack and I hope that many of you, through this exercise, were able to uncover some good things about your husband that you had lost in the shuffle of your day to day lives. If you dwell only on the negatives, you will miss seeing the good and the blessing he brings. Life goes by in the blink of an eye. Begin focusing your actions on these observations and start the transformation in him today.

Thanks for joining us on the Wandering Way to Wonderful,

Jack and Jill

Check in soon for Part Two in our series on How to find fresh respect for your husband and share with us your Wins as you Work through the Wearisome to reach the Wonderful in your marriage.

Proverbs 31.11-12 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. (ESV)