When Your Child Leaves For College
There are things in life that you always know are coming… someday. You know, like the day you’ll experience your first kiss, get your drivers license, go to college, or get married. If you’re a woman, you know exactly what I’m talking about. We spend countless hours daydreaming about these things.
When you become a parent, all of the focus shifts to your children. Life just isn’t about you anymore. It’s about them. Their firsts. Oh yes. Especially the first child! We try so hard to capture and somehow commemorate first words, foods, and steps. We are so wrapped up in every first, that we don’t always acknowledge the big picture. We are training them for independence.
We want them to be independent after all, right?! The goal is to raise a successful, resourceful adult that is fully equipped intellectually and emotionally for this harsh world we live in. However, the process has a way of being sneaky. You’re so busy helping them with homework, encouraging them to try harder, attending every soccer game and play… you just don’t see it coming. There’s a nagging in your spirit, but you just suppress it a little while longer, even though it’s everything you’ve been working towards. Suddenly it’s upon you… college.
By the time daughter no. 1 began her senior year of high school, my life was in full upheaval. Our house was for sale. Meticulous cleaning for showings and house hunting took up every moment of my spare time. Finally, in early October of that year, we had moved into our new house. A month later, I gave up being a substitute teacher for more steady work. This would end up being the most that I ever worked outside the home. It definitely impacted my perception of how fast everything was moving. We had only been on a couple of campus tours when she decided on the university she would attend.
She was able and willing to live with her grandparents for the first year. She got a good job, too. When summer rolled around, she stayed at her job and took summer courses. By the time her sophomore year was beginning, she had moved into her first apartment. This was really what it took for me to get it. She’s not coming back.
I would find myself in her room, pondering, but mostly missing, her. I would wonder, “What should I do with her room? Her little sister could sure use this bed. I would love a place where I could leave my sewing machine set up. What if she somehow feels hurt by my not keeping her room the same?” The thoughts just kept rolling through my mind. The fact is, she had already moved on, and I was the one still trying to come to terms with it. Why is this so hard?
Somehow, no one ever explained to me the emptiness you feel when one of your children is not there. Sure we have a taste of it when they go off to camp, or a missions trip, but you know they’re coming back. Right back. That they’ll sleep under the same roof. Just like that whole new level of love I experienced when she was born, this is a whole new level of missing her, too.
She begins her senior year of college this fall. Just this weekend we began transforming her room. Yes, I have been reluctant to deal with her being permanently out of the family home. Her bed is no longer there. It’s now her little sister’s. Some of her mementoes are still around, but packed up, to be stored for some day in her future. It really did go by too fast. I’ve probably been told this a hundred times by others. It’s just too simple to have real meaning. But that was it. That was my warning. It was not enough.
This is why I’m telling you all of this. So that you may prepare your heart for what your head already knows. It does go by way too fast. Savor every moment you have with your children. So when you feel like you’ve reached your wits end because they make messes faster than you can clean, they always want something to eat, and you have to lock yourself in a closet just to return a phone call, stop and consider what I’ve told you. Get messy with them! Eat some snacks and lots of them! And forget about that phone call! These precious years are fleeting and you never get them back!
As for me, I have two more chances to soak up as much time as I can. I know now what to expect. I know now that kids going off to college really means that they’ve flown the coup, and that it changes the whole family dynamic. None of this makes it any easier to let go, but I hope it puts your child-rearing years in perspective for you. Do not let another wasted moment go by!
From my nest to yours,
Jo
P.S. I bought this book for my daughter as she left for college and highly recommend it for all young ladies, and I included a recommendation for young men as well.
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