How can I show that I want to Respect my husband?

How can I show that I want to Respect my husband?

Picture this, your loyal and faithful husband goes to work at Target and all around him as he works during the day, he is exposed to lovely women (we all know that there are lots of them).  These lovely women are all wearing cute outfits or skin tight exercise gear (very common).  Maybe he goes to an office environment every day where all the women dress in skirt suits and high heels, or maybe he is a personal trainer at a gym or just works out several times a week in a gym while being exposed to lovely women working out in often skimpy, skin tight clothing.  Remember, a staple in almost every women’s closet currently are leggings and yoga pants.  They are everywhere; they are skin tight.  Trust me when I say that our husbands notice.  Men as a whole are very visual!! 

Why do I have you picture these images of women he may encounter?

Now, think of this, he comes home to his wonderful wife, and you are in pajamas, sweats, or super casual appearance with minimal thought to looking really great for your husband.  You’ve worked hard all day at your job – maybe in a skirt suit and high heels or exercise wear at the gym; maybe you have spent all day cleaning house and chasing the kids or cleaning other houses or taking care of others (nursing, home health care, etc) so when you come home, you are ready to get comfy.

Ladies, as much as we want to get comfy (stay comfy,) I know that I want to respect my husband by putting forth an effort to look nice for my husband as often as I can.  We should all want to show respect to our husbands by putting forth the effort to look nice for him.  Though this may be silly or even frustrating to you, it is nonetheless very important.  Now, I am not talking about wearing a business suit on your day off or a Sunday dress, but I am talking about putting forth the effort to look nice whether in a cute skirt, a pair of jeans, or shorts. He chose and married you, so he likes how you look, and he likes you.  It doesn’t matter your size or shape. It matters that you try to please his eyes and desires.

When I was in high school, one of my friends who ALWAYS wore makeup, chose not to wear it one day. The entire day, all of our friends asked her what was wrong and was she not feeling well? She repeatedly answered that she was perfectly fine.  I realized that she “looked sick” because we were all so accustomed to seeing her in makeup and had never seen her face make up free. By the way, she was a pretty girl either way. On that day, I vowed that I would not wear makeup every day because I didn’t want to “look sick” while just being my natural self. So why am I telling you this….

One day, maybe during our second year of marriage, Jack asked me why I don’t wear makeup like I did when we were dating. I was flabbergasted. What? Me, wear makeup? I almost never wear make up! Not only did I not want to wear it daily due to the above story, but I also have very sensitive skin which is often troubled by makeup.  How could he have the perception that I always wore makeup when we were dating? After much pondering, I realized the difference in our perceptions was caused because frequently while we were dating, he would come to see me at work (I was a waitress) while I was wearing makeup. He did not however, hang out with me all day everyday while I was being comfy at home.  So he perceived that I pretty much always wore make up while that was actually far from the truth.  However, his question, though not mean or accusatory, did let me know that he appreciated it when I wore make up on occasion.

In this example, wearing makeup more frequently shows that I am paying attention the the details of our relationship which in turn shows Jack that I want to respect my husband. … I still struggle with this one, A LOT.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that YOU need to wear makeup to show respect.  I am saying that in this example, I have learned that paying attention the details of our conversations and wearing makeup for Jack on occassion shows him that I care and about his opinions and by doing this little thing, it shows respect to his thoughts.

Here is another super important aspect if I want to respect my husband and our relationship..

Don’t get gorgeous for work and then not for him on your day off. (You probably feel the same in reverse.) Again, I am not talking about wearing a business suit on your day off or a Sunday dress, but about putting forth that effort to look nice for him.  Remember, it matters that you try to please his eyes and desires. Another personal reference (go easy on Jack, he doesn’t like it when I tell stories that might make people think he is not the super sweet husband that he is).  Jack really doesn’t like sweats!  When I was single, I lived in sweats at home and only changed just before leaving the house. Sometimes I even wore them out of the house. Oh, and I am not talking about the newish style trendy sweats.  I am talking about the $5 sweat pants and sweat shirts that you get at the Dollar Store or Walmart.  At some point early in our marriage or late in our dating relationship, Jack casually (probably really very pointedly) mentioned that he really wasn’t a fan of sweats. After careful consideration, I sorrowfully donated my sweats so that some other lucky girl could have a comfy existence. I even got rid of my softest, most broken in, slightly thread-bare pair of p.j. sweats that I had had since Jr. high. (He was thrilled!) Jack much prefers cute pairs of pj pants and shirts in the mornings than my old friends, sweats. Turns out he likes me to get dressed on my day off too, even if we are not leaving the house. Boggles my mind. After all, I am wearing cute pajamas instead of sweats; either one is much more comfortable than a skirt or shorts (I get cold) or jeans, which I never find comfortable. However, since I want to respect my husband and his not so spoken (more like strong hints) requests, I now get dressed everyday even if I am not leaving the house.

Now just to clarify, I am off on Mondays and he is not, so I wear pajamas until about an hour before he gets home, then I take a quick shower, get dressed, and try to look cute. One more clarification, everyone is entitled to a p.j. day on occasion, just try to wear the cute pair. Oh, and sick days are a whole different ball game.

*** Related Reading***
“How to Get Your Husband’s Help and Strengthen your Marriage” and “How to find Fresh Respect for your Husband“

Now think about all of this in reverse if you are still struggling with some of it, would you like it if your husband got all dressed up for work everyday.  He did his hair just so, put on the good cologne, dressed to the nines (jeans and a nice white shirt might be the nines for you.  I know I like that look.)  However, for you, he wears his sweats all day while you are together.  Maybe he puts forth no more effort on his hair than just brushing it, no shaving, no cologne, that tee-shirt you wish would find it’s way to the dumpster…   How would/do you feel about it?  Oh, and just because he does it, does not mean that we should.  We can’t control his actions, but we can our own.  Again, because I want to respect my husband, I try most everyday to make the effort to look good.   If your man doesn’t reciprocate, hopefully your continued effort will give him a clue.  🙂

Lastly, remember when you were dating…  A gentleman that I recently worked with, gave a couple of us girls at work some marriage advice.  One thing he had learned from his first marriage, was that he had failed to “always date his wife.”  His now twenty year happy marriage he attributes to always treating her like he did when they were dating, wooing her, picking her up and dropping her off at the door of an establishment after he opened the vehicle door for her, etc.  He suggested that we never stop dating our husbands.  I believe he is right, we should always try to woo him and catch our husband’s eye.

I want to respect my husband, and I am sure you do too or you probably wouldn’t have stopped to read this post.  Again, this may seem silly, inconsequential, or even shallow, but this point was made after querying many gentlemen.  Putting forth the effort to look good for your man was on the top of the list for most of the gentlemen.  Rather than having the mindset that making the effort to look good for our husbands is silly or shallow, we can instead think that this is a relatively simple way to show respect and help keep our marriages strong.

Down the Winding Way,
Jill

***You can also check out our companion posts***

“15 Ways to show respect to your husband” or “How to find fresh RESPECT for your Husband.”

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