Mélange
[māˈlänj] Noun: a mixture or a medley
“The mélange of the sixties left him marked as his taste and appreciation for varieties of music and art will attest.”
Jack Wanderer
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If there is one thing I could tell every young couple in love or every married couple struggling to keep love strong, it would be this – find a way to make your marriage about US, not you and me. It’s about US! That is to say, everyone else no longer makes the difference. You should be marrying your best friend, the one who will know you best. The one who loves you best, has your back, encourages you, cries with you, and seeks your advice before anyone else’s. These are words that many of us have written into our wedding vows or repeat from the minister’s prepared remarks however find it difficult to completely absorb and put into practice.
It is not simply a grammatical turn of phrase. It is a distinct emphasis on the union of two separate people into one completeness. Our desire for our previous two posts 15 Ways to show Respect to your Husband and 15 Ways to show Love to your Wife and the ensuing impactful postings was to provide practical guides toward re-igniting one another’s concentration on our mates. Today’s advice, it’s about US, is the key that brings into focus those ideas.
In the middle of the early days of marital bliss, we sometimes lose sight of one of the most essential elements to lasting marriage success, often under pressure from outside the union. As our relationship grows, so should the dimmer switch on other relationships in our lives. We are binding ourselves to one another. We should be forsaking all others. We need to look to each other for love and courage. This is not to be taken for absolving you of any responsibilities towards your parents or forgetting other beloved family members or even longstanding friendships; however these should be secondary from this moment forward. You made the decision to spend your life with this person, to share your time, your money, your strength, and your home. The two of you should together set the priorities for your marriage, and in so doing, love will help you decide those priorities. It may be that your wife’s mother needs extra attention from you or your husband’s grandfather will need a place to live. In each of your respective lives, there will be important roles to maintain but those should be decided together not independently. If there are particularly close or heavy relationships prior to the wedding on one side or the other, these should be discussed openly and at length in advance of the marriage. If those types of relationships have formed or are forming after some time has passed in your marriage, it is important to revisit your vows and to re-focus on the strength of unity between you and your partner. Think of it this way : you and your spouse are literally standing back to back with your arms or hands linked and no light or space is visible between the two of you. You should be on constant watch for any detail large or small that challenges the strength of your love. [Read more…]
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