15 Ways to Show LOVE to your Wife

 

Men, let’s get real. When you married your wife, did you marry her for love? Did your marriage vows include a statement such as “forsaking all others?” Were you wanting to spend more time with her or less? What happened? Do you show love to your wife?

I can say with relative confidence that you spend less time and attention on her today than when you were first married. (Courting means a gentleman’s way of pursuing a woman or what might sometimes be called dating.) You probably show love to your wife less now than when you were courting. You may now be saying “…something has changed!” OR perhaps you are thinking, she is not the same woman that I married. Are you the same man? I mean, we’re getting real aren’t we? Are you looking for respect at home? Maybe you feel like a peaceful home is no longer a reality. Is she your best friend?

Let’s cut through the excuses to help you get to the exceptional.

Are you the boss of your home or the leader? The boss tells the family what to do. The leader asks for input and makes an informed decision. The boss is irritable and short fused. The leader exhibits patience and kindness. The boss makes all the decisions alone. The leader believes everyone should be able to share their ideas. The boss’ word is final. The leader remembers that to forgive and forget is a divine trait. The boss leads authoritatively. The leader takes the time to pause quietly to consider the family’s options. Does your wife feel it necessary to frequently tell you untruths? Is she afraid of you? Does she walk on eggshells around you or start conversations defensively? Is an argument the only conversation you are having with your wife? 

I am not suggesting that there will never be a time when you, as the leader of your home, should not be firm, or make the decision that your family needs as you see fit. I am, however, shifting the discussion away from I am right to I love you so much that I want us to be successful – to be happy together as we dreamed in the beginning.   

Below are 15 ways that you can win back the love of your life. These will draw her in with regular practice. Don’t expect immediate reciprocation but work to earn her respect. Take the time to really soak these in and put them to the test. Turn off the electronics periodically and focus on the woman you married, showered with love, and took home to meet your family. This woman can be the greatest helpmate to you, or you can continue to struggle with how you are choosing to live. No one is perfect. No marriage is perfect, but love is attainable once again, and the respect of your spouse can be regained. To help bring about this change, you must show love to your wife.

These are not necessarily presented in order of importance, but certainly act on as many as you can as soon as you can then be consistent. Quiet strength and gentleness with your wife will bring about her admiration.  You must be sure that you show love to your wife.

We will focus on some in more detail during the coming weeks. Additionally, we have a written an article entitled 15 Ways to show Respect to your Husband that you and your spouse can read here.

Remember you intended to marry your best friend. Your new life begins now.

15 Ways to show LOVE to your Wife

1. A husband can show love to his wife by actually saying the words I love you at least once a day. Trust me. This needed to be said.

2. A husband can show love to his wife by greeting her with a kiss before you separate for the day and when you meet again. This demonstrates physically that she is your last thought as you leave and your first thought when you rejoin with her.

3. A husband can show love to his wife by touching her in a nonsexual way at least once a day outside of the bed. This can be a hug, a foot rub, brushing or playing with her hair…The importance of this gesture cannot be overstated. She needs to be reassured regularly that she means more to you than a few minutes in bed. Just a side note here…I know what I just said (and it is extremely important) however if you choose to give a back rub of at least 20 minutes, I will not be held responsible for the results. Let’s just say it can be one of the most wonderful experiences you will participate in as a couple.

4. A husband can show love to his wife by volunteering to do a significant chore for her at least once a week. This can include but is not limited to vacuuming the house, cleaning a bathroom, gathering and taking out all the household trash, or grocery shopping. This must be something other than mowing and edging the lawn. And, as you work to ease her chores, ask her how she would like it to be accomplished then do it her way. Life is too short to be right about every matter. What is important here is that you are helping your wife, making an element of her week easier.

5. A husband can show love to his wife by speaking well of her publicly, being her champion vocally, whether or not she is present. Everyone needs a confidant but that individual needs to be the same sex as you. She may verbally tell you she does not care but there will always be a question of trust in her mind concerning this relationship.

In the end, you chose your wife over this friend.

Also, try to limit what you say negatively about your spouse to your family.

6. A husband can show love to his wife by complimenting something about her at least once a week. This should be in addition to telling her how beautiful she looks to you. Your task is to find other ways to compliment. Here might be some examples: I love the way you skip down the stairs. The way you calmed our crying child last night was amazing. That casserole was delicious. Man, the kitchen looks terrific. My shirt smelled so clean and looked so sharp when I put it on this morning. Your employer is lucky to have you. You get the picture, right? (Don’t get tied up on these examples. Find your own way here.)

7. A husband can show love to his wife by holding her hand in public. Curtailing PDA may seem to be the right thing to do but that reassuring hand will build confidence in her and feels terrific against your skin. She will appreciate your confidence in who she is to you.

8. A husband can show love to his wife by being a gentleman to her. Open her car door for her. Open the door to the house when she’s carrying a load or hold an umbrella for her when it’s raining. Do this in front of your children. This does not make you look weak or silly. This proves your manly strength to her. This applies even for those women who are physically tough and it never goes out of style.

9. A husband can show love to his wife by watching his tongue. Your wife should be the single most important person in your life. Why would you want to call her fat or worse? Why would you want to demean her in front of anyone or even when the two of you are alone?

Jokes at her expense are not as humorous as you find them to be.

10. A husband can show love to his wife by expressing gratitude when she is not expecting it for something she has done for you this week. Men, if you think raising children is not work, I challenge you to try doing it 10-12 hours a day for just one week. That’s only half a day for one week. The responsibility is in fact for 24 hours every day. She probably helps with meal preparation for you or maybe she irons your shirts, or does your laundry, or is the one that makes sure the mortgage gets in on time. Think about it. This is a very simple thing to do that pays a huge reward. She is not your slave. She chose to be with you not to do your work for you.

11. A husband can show love to his wife by listening to her speak. Don’t interrupt rudely and don’t be too quick to solve the problem she is relaying to you. I know that providing solutions is naturally your first instinct however many times she just wants you to be her trusted confidant. Someone to lean on. This does not mean she does not want sympathy or a hug or a kind word but listening intently is key. “Remember listening does not involve reading the paper, playing on your phone, watching TV or a video game console.” If you consistently do this correctly, she will begin asking for your help more often. It will come from her heart not her head.

12. A husband can show love to his wife by purposing to make her birthday, your anniversary, and other important days special. Don’t forget. Set an alarm. Write it on the calendar. Post multiple calendars. Tie a string around your finger. Flowers are optional but usually well received. Cards or letters with a handwritten note that you took the time to put in your handwriting are golden even if you borrow the words from somewhere else. This may seem like a small detail but it is a direct reflection on the importance that you place on your relationship. Gifts are between you and your wife but you will be amazed how well received a handwritten note that you put some time into will be. This is a celebration of her.


13. A husband can show love to his wife by including her in family decisions, asking her opinion, listening, and valuing her input. There are times when her ideas are better than yours. That is the simple truth.

14. A husband can show love to his wife by working to learn the verbal cues that she gives you and acting upon them. When your wife is pregnant and says she is hungry…. When she says maybe we should ask for directions…I can promise that this is not easy to do. It does require swallowing your pride from time to time and putting someone other than yourself first.

15. A husband can show love to his wife by praying out loud for her. 

Ephesians 5:33
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

After reading this Scripture, many of you may be at a point in your marriage where you think, “So that verse tells me that I should love my wife, but it also says that she should show me RESPECT.  How can I make peace with this when my wife is not showing me the respect that I think I deserve?”  

Remember what you are ultimately working towards: regaining the love of your life. Right? You cannot control your wife’s actions, but you can decide to do the right thing for your marriage by consistently showing love to your wife. She will make you the king you want to be in your own home as you give her the place of honor in your life and show love to your wife.

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 ***Please visit our companion post titled

15 Ways to show RESPECT to your Husband

 which can be read here. ***